me, me, me, its all about me....
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "missusmoozle" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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08:54 pm
[Link] | well, its been a while....
So much has happened, So much has changed, All so much for the better.
As most of you know, i had a baby girl, Shannon.
My lifes been so much up and down ever since i can remember, yet somehow, one very little girl can make everything so perfect and so right in my life.
It was the scariest thing i have ever had to do and ever will do but so worth it in the end.
When i was pregnant, All the scarey hospital appointments about her heart each week, Then my blood pressure being very high, I thought that it was never going to be for me to ever have her but then suddenly rushed into being induced, There she was, my little girl, perfect :)
The past few years, I lost so much, So many friends, So much of my old life, Because all i wanted, All i've ever wanted was to be married to someone I'm in love with, To someone who's in love with me and a family. No-one really understood this because I went the wrong was about it all, The old me never went anywhere, I just suddenly got what i'd always wanted.
I think back to a few years ago, The partys, The drugs, I'm so pleased I lived that life while I was waiting for this one. I enjoyed it so much and I'd never change it for what it was then, For what i was then. I'll always look back on that time and the people around me and know how much fun it was.
I'm sure, Although a lot of people though I'd made the wrong desision back then but hopefuly now you can all see how truely happy I am. I don't seem to feel very poorly that often anymore, I have the odd times, Especially with how your emotions go after having a baby and tiredness, But all i do is think how lucky I am to have Dean and Shannon and that soon snaps me out of it.
I miss Angi more than ever lately. I remember her coming to the hospital and saying I'd waited so long for Shannon. I thought about that one sentance loads when she'd gone that night, and i had, I've waited for so long to hold my baby in my arms. For all my adult life I've felt incomplete untill recently. I love waking up and looking at her little face laid next to Dean, all snuggled in. Her eyes, her little nose, her chin that looks just like mine.
The labour was terrifying! Waiting over night when I'd been induced, Waiting for something to happen, But then nothing happening. Then suddenly my water breaking and it all starting to happen. I thought at one point that I literally was going to die, lol. Dean had to hold me up while they put an epidural in badly. That was aweful. But then somehow I was 10 cm even though she told me I was only 2 and I was ready to have her. Dean went literally white. It all felt very calm by the end when i was pushing, I didn't want to scream, I didnt want her coming out all frighted cos of all the screaming so I just put all my efforts into pushing and breathing, The midwife was amazing.
When she was born I just wanted to grab her and never let her go. She was so wrinkly and tiny but perfect in a squished sorta way! I couldnt have done it without Dean and also without mam, they where both brilliant.
And now, I'm moving to saltburn, to give Shanon a better life than she could have in Middlesbrough. I cant wait. I move on the 1st :)
Take care everyone.
x
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02:13 pm
[Link] |
hmmm
To be honest i feel pretty weird the past few days.
I'm just so worried about having this baby and how to look after it properly and stuff.
I keep thinking what if i fall down the stairs while i'm holding the baby or what if i drown it when i bath it or what if it doesn't like me?
I think i'm just panicing cos its getting closer now, I keep laying awake at night and worrying what stuff i'll need for it and what if i buy the wrong things, i woke dean up the other night to ask what baby bath to buy?!?!
Its all just a bit overwelming this week.
I'm so excited yet so nervous.
The labour is scaring me lots and not knowing when it will happen, just sometime in january, its weird, i hate not knowing things and having them unexpected. I mean what happens if it comes early and i haven't bought everything?
Worry, worry, worry :(
I just want everything to be perfect.
The cot is finally up so i'm going to do most of the room over the weekend so i feel better about that.
Anyways, winge over
x
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12:54 pm
[Link] |
hey hey
Just a little update, mainly cos i want people to reply cos i'm going out of my tiny little mind with boredom!
Well, everythings been going fine lately. House is looking dead good cos all i do is clean all day cos I'm that bored. Gotta get the cot up this week so i can finsih the room soon cos i'm worrying a bit incase the baby comes early or something.
I'm starting to feel like a whale and i'm not even showing that much yet so i dunno what it'll be like by christmas. Its dead nice being able to feel that baby move inside me, i thought it'd freak me out but its lovely and dead weird at the same time when my tummy moves on its own!
Sorry its always about baby stuff these days, i guess its just i'm a bit a of a bubble with it all and sorting stuff out ready for it coming.
Going out for dinner tonight, can't wait. I'm trying not to eat much so i can stuff my face and have to roll home, mmmm, I love rigatoni's.
Gonna start my christmas shopping next week too, I'm well excited for christmas this year and its only october!
Bye bye for now
x
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07:14 pm
[Link] | Hello everyone :)
Haven't had the internet or the chance to get online for ages till now so thought i'd do an update.
Hope everyone is doing good?
Moved into my new house about a month ago, i really like it, its so much nicer having a lovely house to keep tidy and buy nice things for.
Had loads of scans recently cos apparently i'm ro posative, dunno really what that is but it means they have to check the babys heart beart till its born a lot, something to do with anti-bodies or something, so lots and lots of trips to the hospital but it means i get to see the baby a lot, so thats good!
Things seem to be going dead well anyways, i can feel it kicking and rolling about lots, its a lovely feeling.
Had a scan today and the baby was trying to suck its thumb but was missing and just hitting itself in the face lots, funny as, lol.
I'm half way through now so its going faster than i thought, looking forward to it being born but well scared of labour too, been thinking a lot about it and its terrifying me!
Think i'm going to whitby for the day tomorrow, yay!
Anyhow, All boring baby stuff but it all makes me very happy *grin*
x
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11:15 am
[Link] | Well time for an update.
There is't much to say really. All i ever update on is the baby and such so i feel like it might be a bit boring for you lot to read these days.
Anyhow, I'm now 12 weeks and i had another scan the other week, it has a big head. We got to hear the heart beat, it was dead nice to realise its alive in my tummy. Going for another scan in 4 weeks cos they want to check to make sure the baby is okay cos of some of my meds i was on in the beginning, everything seems fine so far though.
Moved out of the flat yesterday and all my stuff is in the council storage place cos i'm officially homeless for a week and a half or so. We've found a house on Portman street, its so nice and the decorators are in next week so we can move in when there finished. Can't wait, then we can start on the babys bedroom :)
Already got a cot and a pushchair off my aunite cos she doesn't need them anymore so thats lucky. Gonna start buying stuff as soon as i move. Mam asked me when we where in town if i wanted to look at baby things but its still freaking me out a bit to be honest.
Morning sickness was horrible, i couldn't eat anything last week at all or drink much, i felt so weak and tired, i thought i was going to die, lol. But this week it seems to have settled down a bit and i feel a bit more human. woohoo.
I'm addicted to big brother, oh no.
Going to Angi's birthday bbq on sat at mams, can't wait!
Right. Nothing else to say really so bye bye x
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10:58 am
[Link] |
:)
Went for another scan the other day, we saw a blob with a tiny baby in it, it was so nice and we got to see the heart beat. I get another scan when i'm 12 weeks, so not too long to wait for that.
Been to court about my flat arreas this week, i have to be other in 28 days and pay £20 a month till my arreas are paid off so thats not too bad!
Come up to saltburn for the week so atleast i can use the pc :)
Morning sickness is horrible at the moment, i just feel sick till about 8pm. I hope it stops once the my first trimesters over.
I can't wait to get a bump :)
Thats all for now
x
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05:49 pm
[Link] |
Good News *big grin*
Just to let you all who don't know that i'm pregnant. Me and Dean are very happy indeed.
I found out last monday. i'm very excited and very scared lol. I'm sure this is all natural though.
So obv the house move and stuff are priority. So i'm going to the council this week to see if they can help.
I know the fact that i don't work and things are not the best way to bring up a baby but in the end i can't work for a long time anyhow cos my shrink said so so there'd never be a good time really so now is as good as any :)
I've also given up smoking and i'm on the patches, there really working and i've not had one craving at all, probably cos there is a reason for me to give up, yay!
So yes, there ya go, tell anyone if ya like, tell everyone, i will be too :)
Things with mam and angi have got a lot better and this makes me very happy too.
I can't wait to be a mammy.
I have my first midwife appointment on the 5th of june so i will know more then, i'm about 5 weeks pregnant we think so its early day.
I have had to stop most of my medication as its harmful to the baby, they think they may have todo extra tests on the baby and such to make sure it hasn't done any harm while i was on it in the first few weeks but they reckon everything should be fine.
The crisis team have told me i have to contact them if i feel the slightest bit loopy from lack of medication so it looks like its gonna be a hard time but well worth it though.
Think thats all really.
Still gonna go to MMl but obv not drinking, just to see everyone really.
Take care
x
Current Mood:  happy
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06:15 pm
[Link] |
martin
went out for toms birthday but only ended up going to his house for pre night out drinks and then i left cos if i had of stayed i'd have hit martin. he is a smug little bastard. i had a good night up untill that point. then i left and went home and proceeded to text him with what i thought of him. but apparently the few friends (according to him) i now have arn't really my friends and think dean is the theif. so to put things straight dean would NEVER steal from me. martin is evidently the theif as no one else including dean knew where the money was and also he is a known theif (martin), i.e.. from his dad, his nana, another friend, then me. he is a lying, smelly, theif who i am frankly glad i have nothing to do with anymore. you can all think whatever about things now but i know dean would never steal from anyone. its not just me who he has stolen from so beleive what you wanna believe but he'll be stealing from one of you again and then you'll know how it feels. plus it was very suspicious how martin suddenly had money when he was skint. basicaly i hate him and hope he rots in hell. anyhow thats my rant over. apart from that it was lovely seeing nicola and tom and dan and so on.
*cough* thats that one off my chest.
so who wants to go to joe rigatonis on wed 16th may? for the happy hour (girls only)
Current Mood:  bitchy
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03:25 pm
[Link] |
face ache
for those that have seen me and those that haven't. i have a bruised and swollen face :(
i went to the shop on friday night and two chav girls called me a fucking mosher so i just said fuck off (as you would) and they hit me lots in my face and i fell over. dean thought i'd dislocated my jaw cos i couldn't speak properly but i went and got a head x ray and everything is fine, just swelling and concushion. the concushion seems to have passed and the swelling gone down now. just a black eye and jawline. i look like a right rebel lol. as if i couldn't fight 2 chavs!! silly cows. Anyhow. thats the only update i can be botherd to do.
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03:47 pm
[Link] |
........
i don't really want to write on here but i also feel i need to. there is so much going round in my head. i know i've upset a lot of people and i know everything is so fucked up right now. but i did what i did and i can't change it. i just want to slowly move on even though i know no one is wanting to be around me right now. i guess i just need to make my own decisions and do what makes me happy. i'm keeping safe and i'm fine. not much else to say. hope everyone is okay. i lost all my numbers again cos i was trying to tranfer them and i did it wrong so if anyone wants to text me then please do. the only numbers i have is nicola, angi, mam, dad, so if anyone is trying to get in touch with me then please pass on my number. thanks.
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05:08 pm
[Link] |
Vouchers!
I have just returned a dress and got vouchers back cos i couldn't get hold of the receipt. i'm mega skint, anyone wanna swap them for cash. there is £40 worth of them for topshop/ topman/ dorethy perkins/ burtons/ evans/ miss selfridge (ya get the gist)
pweaseeeee text me or reply if ya want them.
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08:10 pm
[Link] | dan is coming over with a picnic for me to cheer me up and watch a dvd or something. i'm glad cos i really didn't wanna be on my own x
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03:03 pm
[Link] | Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
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12:47 am
[Link] |
flat
if anyone see's a one bedroomed place in middlesbrough can they let me know, thank you :)
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09:52 am
[Link] |
haxed
for those of you on haxed. please bum me daily.... my karma is so shit on there. that is all, thanies
p.s. i know i sound like a geek :P
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03:55 pm
[Link] |
ding dong, avon calling....
i have become an avon girl today so i need as many people as possible to buy avon from me. as a lot of you know avon is good and good prices so anyone want a brouchure? that is all, thank you x
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11:25 am
[Link] | You are 60% Aries
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03:30 pm
[Link] | 
What does your handwriting say about YOU?
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05:48 pm
[Link] |
sorry angi, i stole your superhero :p~
Spiderman
Congratulations! You scored a super 58%! |
| You're hotter than, well, hot-cakes! You've got a fan base bigger than Pam & Tommy, and to tell the truth, you actually don't mind the super-hero gig. Most of the time, anyway. Everyone seems to love their fun, friendly and courageous hero as you swoop in to save the day, time and time again! Unfortunately, swooping and day-saving doesn't help pay the rent, and you're not exactly the "hero-for-hire" type either. Hey, at least you can play down the whole life saving, self sacrificing gig with some neat lil' punchlines and remarks! Juggling both egos becomes a strain at times and whilst you want to help everyone, you're also in search of "me time", often finding yourself having to make constant personal sacrifices in order to protect those around you. Don't fret though! At the end of the day you'll find yourself with the support from either those you rescue or perhaps a close friend or loved one who'll get you by, reminding you of how cool you look in spandex. |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 34% on Heropoints |
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09:54 pm
[Link] | Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
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